Q. I’ve got a problem. My girlfriend has the nasty habit of calling me names during sex, most of them unprintable.
I’ve brought it up before, but she just laughs it off. She even told me other guys she’s been with have been turned on by it. I’m definitely not!
What should I do? Should I dump her, or just get used to it?A: I’m of two minds on this problem, friend. First off, constantly being called something unprintable can certainly ruin a tender night of intimate lovemaking.
On the other hand being slapped around and called Susan can make for one heck of a night!
Many guys go their whole lives just waiting for an experience like that. So count yourself lucky that you have a partner who knows what she wants and is willing to explore wilder areas.
One tactic: if you can’t beat ’em join ’em! Try calling her names next time. Find out if she can take it as well as she dishes it out.
Then again, it sounds like you’re actually interested in a healthy relationship. Kudos to you! One trick might be to establish boundaries for dirty talk. Let her know the names you’re comfortable being called, and which just get you out of the mood. It’s like when couples doing bondage establish “safety words” signals that let the other know when they have crossed the line. The point of dirty talk should be to heighten the excitement for both partners, not leave the recipient a self-conscious husk of a man. It’s all about communication. When both partners are open and honest about their limits, it makes exploring and pushing those limits all the more exciting and rewarding.
Of course, you could always just wash her dirty mouth out with soap. Mom would be proud. Good luck!
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guilfordian@guilford.edu, subject: love