Pisces
Feeling apathetic this week? Go to a student panel on the -ism of the week. As things remain stagnant, at least you’ll feel the walk to King 126 was worth it.Aries
You’ll find a surprise this week. You know that girl with the long blonde hair, glossy lips, and flashy sports car? She’s a feminist too.

Taurus
The Stump Speeches this week are forecast to highlight such important issues as the unethical treatment of squirrels on campus and the exploitation of toilet paper.

Gemini
You’ll realize this week that it is utterly ridiculous to spend so much money trying to look like you didn’t spend any at all.

Cancer
The reason the Trustees didn’t want to have lunch with you is because they, too, are embarrassed by the gas the Caf gives them.

Leo
We all know that war is horrible, but the people who fight in them may be just as crazy and wonderful as your favorite pacifist. Open your eyes.

Virgo
Women who enjoy having sex on their own terms are anything but dumb, disillusioned little girls. This week you’ll realize they’re some of the smartest, strongest women you’ll ever meet. Don’t let yourself be intimidated.

Libra
Your car that runs on waste-water will break down this week. Now you’ll have to find new ways to save the planet. Plant a tree?

Scorpio
This week, strike up a conversation with the football player next to you in the lunchline or attend a sporting event. You may just find something or someone you didn’t expect … or a manslave.

Sagitttarius
Whether it’s fresh off the rack at Abercrombie or Urban Outfitters, complete with a $200 price tag, or a $1 tee shirt from Carolina Thrift that smells like mothballs, you should stop pretending like you know someone based on what they’re wearing.

Capricorn
At the end of the day, we’re all just kids paying too much for our education.

Aquarius
Next Week: Another panel discussion. This time make sure you read your horoscope before you go.