Aries
Hey, is your refrigerator running? Well, you better go catch it!Taurus
Putting saran wrap on your friend’s toilet seat will backfire when you get drunk at their house.

Gemini
You know how funny you think it is to light a bag of poo on fire and leave it someone’s doorstep? The only reason you like that practical joke is because it is a metaphor for your life.

Cancer
Surprise! Smoking cigarettes gives you cancer! Ha ha ha, what a crazy concept! Who came up with that one?

Leo
News flash! Compost heaps at Guilford are found to make the soil actually smell like trash.

Virgo
I’ve been sober for 3 weeks!! (April Fools.)

Libra
They’re bringing gourmet chefs to the Caf!! (April Fools.)

Scorpio
There’s a manslave in your closet!! Just kidding. They’re all in mine.

Sagittarius
Party in the Pines!! (April Fools.)

Capricorn
Guilford ranked number 1 party school!! (April Fools)

Aquarius
Guilford ranked number 1 for crazy hippies!! (Nope, that’s really true).

Pisces
Throwing bologna on your friend’s bike does not count as a practical joke. Get a car!