Aries
Herpes is your astral STD from the stars. Like the disease, you have a fiery, blazing personality that just begs for recognition.Leo
Your cosmic STD is gonorrhea. Like gonorrhea, you can be secretive and hard to detect, and at times misunderstood. Break out of your shell, and show your true colors.

Virgo
You’re clean; YES!!

Libra
Your cosmic STD is chlamydia. You tend to make others burn with the pain of being around you for a long time.

Scorpio
There was a brief moment of chaos when one of your manslaves was misdiagnosed with an STD, but don’t fear – the last tests came back clean.

Sagittarius
Syphilis is your cosmic STD. Like the disease you often make people go insane, but you haven’t killed anyone yet.

Capricorn
Your STD is Hepatitis B. Not to be confused with those other forms of hepatitis that make you turn yellow, although yellow is your favorite color …

Aquarius
You too are clean. That itching sensation is due to the wool underwear you sleep in, freak.

Pisces
Crabs are your cosmic STD match. Like crabs, you tend to be feisty and demand attention – well, a doctor’s attention at least.

Cancer
Luckily for you, any chance of contracting your cosmic STD match is thwarted by that nasty tapeworm you have. (You also need a doctor’s attention.)

Taurus
You know you’ve had too much contact with your cosmic STD if the free clinic sends you annual birthday cards.

Gemini
Good old HPV is your cosmic match on the STD star charts. We may not know what the acronym means but we know its bad, just like you.