Aries
Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!!Leo
When the sores from you sunburn start to fester, just remember that the nurse shark that bit you could have been a great white. See? You have plenty to be thankful for.

Virgo
Dearest Virgo, like Gemini, it has been a year of trials. Your summer will be wonderful if you learn to trust yourself and those who care about you. Except that guy who drives the ice cream truck with the squinty eye and the tapeworm.

Libra
Making a cross-country road trip is not a good idea when your mode of transportation is a scooter that runs on recycled waste water. Get a car!

Scorpio
May your hot and sultry summer nights be filled with sexy scintillating manslaves wearing nothing but leopard-print Speedos. That goes for all Scorpios, males and females alike.

Sagittarius
You’ve always liked short women. Rosy cheeks and high-pitched giggles have always sent you straight up to cloud nine. And you and your 12-year-old camper both still love reminiscing about Barney. Get rid of your inhibitions and jump into the deep end … of the prison swimming pool!

Capricorn
So you’ve survived another year at Guilford. No parties at the Pines, no Britney on QFS, and a surprisingly small amount of streakers at Serendipity. But you did get that romantic dinner in the Walnut Room in Valentine’s Day. All in all, what a year it’s been!

Aquarius
We might tease you a lot about having crabs, so we urge you to always use protection. However, this summer when you’re lying on the beach in the buff and feel an intense pinching between your legs, you may want to think this time about the other type of crabs.

Pisces
Since you are a water symbol, you’ll spend plenty of time there this summer: in the ocean, the swimming hole, and, when you realize you’re a target for stingin’ nettles and leeches, you’ll have tons of fun in your kiddie pool in your backyard. We suggest tiki torches to decorate.

Cancer
We know that the Scooby Doo suit you have to wear for your summer job at King’s Dominion adds some necessary bulk; however, that does not give you the right to assume chicks dig your new “muscles.”

Taurus
You’ll be on the beach, the moon will be full and blue, the sand will be silky smooth beneath your bare feet, and the sounds of the waves lapping onto the shore will lull you into a trance. As you step farther back from the bonfire, you will then realize that the burning sensation you were feeling is really a yeast infection. You really should have changed that bathing suit two days ago.

Gemini
Dearest Gemini, it has been a long and difficult year for you. You mustn’t ever be afraid of what you’re feeling (chest pains aside) and know that this summer you have only happiness to look forward to.