The Guilford community is comprised of countless smaller communities. Some, such as the Quaker community, have their voices frequently heard on campus. Others are not so vocal, but their presence is still felt. A few communities, however, are rarely acknowledged – such as the BDSM community.Though not often spoken of, BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sado-masochism) has long been a part of college culture. The restrictions of dorm living don’t prevent students from experimenting with blindfolds, handcuffs and paddles.
Unfortunately, a lack of experience can lead to harmful or awkward accidents – which is why the Safe Leather Group was created last year.
“If you are uneducated in BDSM you can injure someone physically or emotionally,” said senior Kass James, who helped found the group. “For experienced people, that is the worst possible thing that can happen. Injuring someone is the last thing you want.”
Four Guilford students created the safe leather group in response to rumors of unsafe BDSM practices among college students. James and his peers recognized the importance of education in ensuring safety – and decided to do something about it.
“We’re running this group from an almost purely academic standpoint,” said James. “We want to educate people on how to not hurt each other and have fun with their partners.”
The BDSM community’s mantra is “safe, sane, and consensual,” an ethos that the group promotes. Responsibility and safety are as important as pleasure and play. This idea is especially significant in the face of societal misunderstanding of BDSM culture.
“It’s not really what the normative culture makes it out to be. It’s not this deep dark fetishized orgy sort of thing,” said James.
“It’s not always that stereotypical image of a guy with a leather mask and a whip,” said sophomore Lindsay Lavenhar. “You don’t want to feel uncomfortable at all.”
Comfort is key in the parties James hosts once a semester in his off-campus house. The focal point of the parties is a room devoted to BDSM- affectionately dubbed by its devotees as “the sex dungeon..” The room is stocked with a large supply of toys, ropes, and a bondage table.
“Some people wouldn’t normally come to a professional dungeon because it makes them uncomfortable,” said Lavenhar. “But when you are at a party, there is a certain amount of trust. It takes the fear out of the taboo to be in a comfortable environment.”
Every precaution is taken to ensure that “play parties” are fun and safe for everyone involved. Drugs are not allowed, and those who drink are asked to leave if they become too inebriated. Several responsible, sober individuals supervise the activities. Everyone is allowed free rein in the dungeon, but in case things go too far, the house safe word is “teddy bear.”
For some, play parties, and BDSM in general, offer more than pleasure. There’s a psychological aspect to it as well. Those who are dominant can achieve something called “topspace,” while submissives reach a similar state called “subspace.”
“It’s sort of like a psychological euphoria,” said first-year Theo Kogod. “You achieve a frame of mind where you’re very aware of what’s going on around you. It’s akin to a meditative state.”
Regardless of their reasons for enjoying BDSM, members of the group feel connected as a community and feel free to express their lifestyle at Guilford. While the cultural taboo still exists, their top priority is changing that.
“Finding out this club existed made me realize that Guilford is a very open-minded school,” said Kogod. “It’s only through education that we eliminate ignorance and replace taboo with culture.