Despite their concerns about universal healthcare, workers’ rights, the Iraq war, and climate change, many campus radicals have been reluctant to vote. The students claimed that the federal government is too corrupt to fairly count their votes. However, in light of recent sociopolitical revelations, self-proclaimed activists at Guilford College have decided to vote in the 2008 Presidential election.

After practicing social deviance for years, anarchists, communists, and other political minorities have succumbed to participatory democracy.

Sophomore peace and conflict studies major Alyzza Callahan registered to vote as an independent last weekend.

“The whole experience was incredibly surreal,” Callahan said. “For the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something politically productive.”

Making the decision to register to vote was not easy for Callahan, who has attended a plethora of anti-capitalist and anti-globalization protests since enrolling in college.

“Getting kicked out of the Pepsi headquarters parking lot in South Carolina before the company’s CEOs had even arrived that day for work was really empowering,” Callahan said.

After several similar experiences at other ‘relatively productive’ protests, Callahan grew increasingly tired of getting the boot from law enforcement officials before the capitalist pigs at Pepsi caught a glimpse of the anger in her eyes.

“Electoral politics are far from perfect,” Callahan said. “But at least voting will give me a fighting chance of having my voice heard.”

Callahan’s decision to vote has caused many of her friends to question their ideologies about what constitutes political activism.

Sophomore English major Eileen Barnett, a friend of Callahan’s, was forced to re-evaluate her own views and behaviors after she learned about Callahan’s newfound means of political participation.

“When I attended protests all I was able to do was scream and shout, but I never felt like anyone was listening to me,” Barnett said. “But by voting, my stances on a number of issues that govern this country’s existence are permanently on record.”

Callahan, Barnett, and a number of their other formerly unregistered friends feel dumbfounded about their previous reluctance to vote.

“I can’t believe how long I’ve been missing out on this,” sophomore Matt Gibson-Hatcher said. “All I have to do is stand in line, walk into a little booth, and pull down the lever next to the candidate’s name of my choosing. It’s much easier and a lot less painful than being beaten by policemen for urinating on a tree outside of the World Bank.”

Sophomore Andy Young attended the World Bank protest with Gibson-Hatcher, and now, he too is a registered voter.

“I used to wake up in the middle of the night, terrified and in a cold sweat just thinking about voting and be an active member of society,” Young said. “But now when I image myself voting my stomach fills with butterflies and that ‘don’t stop thinking about tomorrow’ song pleasantly rings in my ears.”

Even though several students have become proactive, Public Safety has remained neutral on the issue.

“This isn’t a Public Safety issue, it’s a community issue,” said Director of Public Safety Ron Stowe. “We’re all impacted by this.”

They’re not the only ones not jumping on the bandwagon. While Barnett, Callahan, Gibson-Hatcher, and Young are excited to pull down the lever this November, some of their peers are still skeptical about their friends’ decision to vote.

“I don’t trust those voting machines for one second,” said sophomore Grace Montgomery. “I don’t know who’s going to count my vote, or if it’s going to be counted at all. Personally, I think I’d rather spit into the fountain in front of Lockheed-Martin’s headquarters. Now that’s what I call making a difference.”

Though he is now a registered voter, Gibson-Hatcher understands Montgomery’s skepticism and fear.

“I used to be like her,” Gibson-Hatcher said. “But now I’ve seen the light; except that this time the light isn’t coming from a policeman’s flashlight after she bats me over the head with it for defecating on the flowers outside of the Smithfield meat packing plant.