At 11:39 a.m. on Sept. 30, 2008, Bitey the copperhead met his end at the hands – and shovels – of the appointed Guilford response crew. He shall be missed by few but mourned by many; the colorful signs that announced his presence had enlivened life in the old apartments in ways that usually require a fire alarm.

A young snake of indeterminate gender, Bitey was a fine example of his genus, an agkistrodon contortrix’s agkistrodon contortrix. His species is far from endangered – in fact, they are assessed as “of least concern” by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN), which cites their wide distribution and population stability, as well as the fact that they are quite venomous.

But Bitey is still a great loss to those who knew him, as well as those who were very happy to have never encountered him or any of his relatives. (Once again, the specter of institutional speciesism rears its ugly head at Guilford.)

His passing is marked by an untimely end and an unmarked grave. His family will likely not mourn (copperheads, like most snakes, are at best indifferent parents; rarely rising even to the level of Christmas cards) but will shrug their nonexistent shoulders and continue their happy-go-lucky, playboy lifestyle of lying camouflaged on foot trails.

Donations in memorial should probably not be made at all.