I am half Latina and half white. Judging from my picture, that may come as a shock, seeing as how I have blonde hair, green eyes, and basically zero physical attributes that would insinuate anything except Caucasian genes.

I have always identified more with my white half. When I was younger, my Mexican family would call me “wedita,” or “little white girl,” because I didn’t look like them. Being mixed race, I have always felt that I had to pick one or the other; it never seemed like an option to be mixed.

Growing up, whenever I told someone that my mom’s parents were from Mexico they would laugh and assume that I was kidding. Most of the time, it seemed that people never really believed me. When I came to Guilford, I had accepted the fact that everyone assumed I was only white. On every piece of paper work I was Hispanic, but, in terms of socialization, I never felt validated or welcomed as a member of the Latin community.

When I was in sixth grade, I won the “Outstanding Hispanic Student” award. I was genuinely excited because I had never been recognized for an award before. When I got to the event, my dad and I were the only white people in the room. It seemed like everyone was staring at us, wondering what business we had at the event. I felt unwelcome and undeserving of the award.

Because of that incident I always felt awkward identifying with my Hispanic side. After that, I just accepted myself as white and didn’t think any more about it.

During my first year here at Guilford, I started getting e-mails each week from the Hispanos Unidos de Guilford (HUG) club on campus. I still have not joined this club because I have this irrational fear that the members will see me and immediately wonder why I came, even though I know that the multicultural department here is much more understanding than many other programs.

Throughout my entire academic career, whenever I became involved in Hispanic clubs or events, I felt like an outsider.

It’s easier identifying with the race that I look most like than it is to work so fervently in order to prove the integrity and the legitimacy of my racial background to everyone. I know my roots and where I come from; it shouldn’t be a matter for the public to decide.

It is a shame that our society does not allow someone to actually be mixed race. You have to associate your race with physical traits, pick the other box when asked on paperwork, and provide ‘evidence’ of your race or ethnicity to peers.

Being mixed race has made me who I am today. Without my mom, I would not have my big, loud, crazy, loving family; and without both of my parents’ cultures I wouldn’t be the hardworking, opinionated, outspoken person that I am now.

My race is much deeper than my skin. It is something that runs through my veins. No one should be judged by their physical appearance, or color of their skin. It is not society’s business to categorize each person’s race without consulting that person first.