Ladies, have you ever worried about your ability to snag yourself a husband? Or whether or not you’ll be able to keep your man happy once you’ve got that ring on your finger? Well, worry no more, fair females! Wife Studies is here to help.
Wife Studies, the newest major offered at Guilford, focuses on the education of future wives. This includes the study of domestic management, culinary arts, and early childhood development, among others.
What exactly does that mean for all the single ladies hoping to shed that title?
It means scientific tests to determine the best way to get grass, coffee, and red wine stains out of khakis. It means countless trials to achieve a perfectly moist roasted turkey. It means training on how to handle your mother-in-law and develop a fitness regime to help your keep your dainty figure, no matter how many little cherubs you bring into this world.
What it really means, though, is learning how to be a soccer mom minus the mom jeans, a trophy wife minus the need for hired help, the perfect smiling sidekick to your handsome husband.
And this couldn’t have come at a better time.
With college graduates scrambling to fill the few job openings that pop up, it always helps to have a skill. And few skills are as valuable as being able to have dinner on the table promptly at 6 p.m. and knowing the proper way to iron a dress shirt. As more women migrate back to the kitchen, more jobs will open up for the hardworking men we love.
One of the major proponents of the major is Assistant Professor of English, Diya Abdo.
“There is a lot of pressure on women today to do it all,” said Abdo. “They’re supposed to have a great career, a happy marriage, and be a super mom. So we’re helping to alleviate some of that stress by taking away the responsibility of having to work. I think it’ll be really helpful.”
As do I.
Despite my still youthful appearance, I know that my looks will soon start to go. And my biological clock is ticking loudly. Surely other girls are in the same predicament as me, right? Surely other girls are still a little scared of babies and don’t understand why one cleaner can’t do it all, right? Surely other girls are wary about not getting down the aisle, right?
Of course you are!
So come with me, my lovely lady friends with all your lovely lady lumps and humps and whatever else you’ve got. Abandon your current majors. Forget about shopping for business casual attire. Sign up for Wife Studies and follow me to domesticity and beyond!
Because in all honesty, I don’t think I would be able to get over my fear of babies and bleach and successfully get my MRS degree without a little help from some well-educated professors.