Disclaimer: This story is a part of out April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact.

On Friday, March 23 Guilford’s Media and Celebrity Awareness Initiative hosted a panel on celebrities and their media fiascos. Lindsay Lohan, Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, Bella Thorne and Britney Spears all spoke on the panel.

The speakers addressed their experience with intense media savagery and provided tips on how not to carry out careers in Hollywood.

“Being in the spotlight is not super easy,” Spears exclaimed. “I shave my head and smash a car and every media outlet reported on it. Basically, don’t go around with a bat and don’t let the media catch your mental breakdowns.”

Lohan had similar issues with the moments that she would prefer to keep private.

“I was arrested six times and all six of those times the news reported on it,” Lohan said. “It was funny though, looking back on some posts. For my arrest in March 2013, there were tons of posts about how fabulous my contour was even though I was going to jail.

“A good tip is if you are going to be famous, don’t get arrested, or else the whole world will know.”

Swift has been exposed by the media for different reasons. She has been involved in many relationships that are publicized and her drama with other celebrities are reported on.

“Any song I write, someone has to figure out who it is about or what the story is behind it,” Swift stated with exasperation. “But the worst part is that there are other public figures that try to break down your career in any way they can.”

Following this statement, Kardashian interjected, cutting off Swift.

“Okay, but like, you totally framed so many people to make you look like the victim,” said Kardashian. “I drew the line when you were being a snake and framing my own husband.”

Swift was taken aback by Kardashian’s statement, her face showing pure disgust and hatred.

“Oh, so you think you can cut me off just like your husband did in 2009?” Swift retorted. “This is exactly what I am talking about. Other celebrities just feel like they can manipulate you and make it seem like you are in the wrong. What makes it worse is that the media catches all of it, so having any sort of drama while in the spotlight is instant doom.”

During this fiasco, Thorne remained quiet. She is newer to the struggle of media savagery, only recently being slammed. When questioned about her experiences, she spoke in a quiet voice, nearly inaudible.

“I don’t know, I guess having the media hear and report on everything you do and say is a little difficult to handle sometimes,” said Thorne. “One minute you are just living life The main message from these A-listers is that it is important to try your best to keep some things private and always keep a positive image in public.

“It has been 11 years and I still see memes about my breakdown,” Spears explained. “I swear if the internet never dies, my great grandchildren are going to see me smashing a car.”