Never say never — yet this is one of those instances when the rule can be broken.
Pop-Tarts, a popular snack and breakfast food, were supposedly made to be put in toasters to warm and crispify. However, here is my prepared list of reasons why Pop-Tarts are better off staying six feet away from a toaster under any circumstance.
Firstly, part of the allure of a Pop-Tart is the ease and convenience of opening up a packet and quickly filling your stomach with sugar, corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup. Having to take out a toaster just adds to the extra time wasted when trying to get out of the door on an early Monday morning. Most people don’t eat Pop-Tarts for the taste of processed fruit covered by playdough-like bread and freeze-dried frosting. They eat it because it means not having to cook breakfast or clean any dishes. Using a toaster defeats that purpose.
It’s highly recommended by experts (my mom) to clean a toaster after every use to defend against a dangerous conflagration made of carelessness and bread crumbs. So — using a toaster for Pop-Tarts takes away the natural efficiency that’s packaged and proclaimed, which leads to my second point.
Secondly, most Pop-Tarts are eaten at school, camping trips or similar outings. Schools don’t have toasters readily available for students, and I don’t believe the Great Outdoors supply toasters to its inhabitants. If a Pop-Tart really tastes better toasted, then why is it so popular as a convenient snack that’s easily prepared without a toaster?
Some avid toaster supporters might argue that the name of the Pop-Tart indicates that it’s supposed to be put in a toaster: “But it’s supposed to pop! You can’t pop without a toaster!” or “Pop-Tarts are only yummy because of their name!” But what’s really in a name? The naming of things is irrelevant, as they don’t convey the real meaning and value of an item. And the real value of the Pop-Tart is its simplicity.
Toasters simply aren’t found in the Pop-Tarts’ natural habitat.
Third, ignoring the taste of dried, processed fruit — who wants to eat hot jelly? Pop-Tarts usually have an inside filling of a jam-like substance that’s flavored strawberry, vanilla or even cookies and cream. Heating up jelly is absolutely disgusting; no one likes toasted bread with hot jelly on top.
Historically speaking, jam is always put in the fridge to keep it cool because it improves the taste. A Pop-Tart is similar to a prepared piece of toast in that both are a type of bread with filling or jam. However, a setback of the Pop-Tart is its cohesiveness — you have to eat the behemothian comestible either hot or cold. And since anything’s better than toasted jam, you’re better off leaving the Pop-Tart out of the toaster.
Fourth, and finally, if the Pop-Tart wants to join the “Hall of Fame” of best desserts, it’s better off staying cold. Desserts like, icecream, creme brulee, ice cream on pie, cheesecake, ice cream cake and icecream are all on the top tier of desserts because of their frosty flavor. The Pop-Tart market would be more profitable if it were advertised as a cold treat because it would attract more customers with a more frigid and bleak packaging.
Cold desserts naturally give off a cool and comforting vibe, which would be ruined if the toaster were to be used to warm up the Pop-Tart. If the Pop-Tart company wants to sell more of their treats, they would be better off renaming the Pop-Tart to the Frosted Crisp.
However I must conclude that some foolish people may simply like the taste of a toasted Pop-Tart; it all comes down to personal preference. Some may just like the crunch, a burnt tongue, heated jelly or maybe waking up extra early in the morning. But I think everyone can agree that whether toasted or not, a Pop-Tart tastes like Play-Doh.
